The key to telling your partner that you are not sexually satisfied is communication -- talk to your partner and tell them how you are feeling. You can suggest changes to your shared sex life, and have them tell you how they are feeling and what they may like. Feeling safe in a relationship is key to a healthy sex life with another person, so be sure to give them the space and understanding they need to open up to you.

Welcome to xxxconnect, home of the free hookup advice guide. Read on now to see how to tell your partner that they're not doing it for you in the bedroom. You can do this the hard way, or the easy way, but however you do it, do it the xxxconnect way! What follows is a step by step break down of the best ways to open up to your partner about how terrible they are in the sack. Now read on!

This can fall in to one of two camps -- the camp in which you do not have sex, or the camp in which you do have sex, but it is not good sex. The number one cause behind not being sexually satisfied is that your partner does not take the time to please you. The second contender for the root cause of sexual dissatisfaction is some kind of hang up, neurosis, or bad feelings that stem from some kind of trauma or bad experience.

There are two things that you can do -- change yourself, or change your partner. You can literally change your partner by simply getting a new one, or you can change the one you already have got by making it comply to what you want it to do for you or with you. For example, your partner might not like to go down on you. The solution: tell it that you would like to be orally satisfied. One way to personalize this would be to start going down on your partner as a kind of hint that you would like the same done for you. You can also watch an explicit movie in bed one night and see where it leads you.

If you really want to blame your partner, then there are a few ways you can go about this. The other option is to blame yourself, but since that is never a fun exercise, we shall skip that one and move on to the third option, which is to blame your partner a little bit and yourself a little bit, too. It is so often the case that you are not really sure what it is that you want, so when you tell your partner what to do, or what you would like to do for them, be sure that you are really into it first.

We here at XXXConnect know all too well how hard it is to open up to one's partner about their sexual performance: we get literally hundreds of emails every year from people who have sex partners who simply do not live up to the initial expectations that come with the first bloom of romance. Before you can really open up to your other half and be honest with them, you have to be honest with yourself, and start to look at what it is that you really want. That way, when the time comes to talk to your partner, you will know what to say and how to phrase it. Try other ways to talk, as well. You don not always have to do it face to face. There are other options, like text, email, Skype, and other video messaging services such as gchat.

The best thing to do when you start having serious talks with your other half is to get the language right. Try not to use any kind of words that imply that what is going on is their fault. Listening is key when you start to get into these kinds of talks, so be sure to give your partner plenty of time to talk, and try not to butt in mid way through what they are saying. This is very important, and the best way to remember this tip is to ask yourself how you would like to be listened to. You can make a list if you want something to work from. This list can include any and all hang ups that you may have, as well as any positions you want to try, and things that you like and don't like about your current sex life. You do not have to show this list to your partner, but you can keep it in your pocket and refer to it. In fact, it is best if your partner does not see this list, since seeing all their faults in one go can be a bit hard to take in one sitting. Rather, drip feed it through your conversation for best results.

It is not always easy to keep going in a romance, especially if it is a long term one, when one or both of you have started to admit that you are not doing it for each other. Our sexual prowess is very closely tied to one's sense of self, so keep in mind that when you knock their prowess in bed, you are knocking their ego and their sense of self as well. The other thing to keep in mind when you start to talk to your partner about how they perform is that they may be under stress that even they do not know about. This is more common than you may think. Ask yourself if you have been putting them under any kind of pressure, and think of ways in which you may be able to lift some of that burden. That said, it is easy to blame yourself, and that is what most good people do; it is a trap, though, and most likely the source of your partner's stress is their job, or their family. Again, give your partner space to talk to you.

Anything that starts with or includes the partial phrases "You always," "You're so," "You never," or "I never," or "I always." Basically avoid definitive statements, or blanket statements. Anything that comes across as accusatory is pretty much a no no when it comes to constructive discussions. Also bear in mind that your partner's inadequacy could stem from hang ups, or past trauma. Then again, it could simply come from a place of selfishness or a sense of entitlement. Either way, arguing about it won't help, so if your partner is feeling defensive, or is just plain non-communicative, try to steer away from wording that could be taken as inflammatory. The best way to do this is to think about what you would like to hear from a partner who is not totally satisfied with you. Try the empty chair technique for this: get an empty chair and talk to it as though your partner were sitting there. This is a good way to imagine what you may have to say to them, and it works as a practice run for a real face to face talk. Take notes if you want to, but be honest and open with that chair.

If the lack of good sex is really just a sign of your ever declining romance, then do consider simply giving him or her the boot. If, on the other hand, your bad sex can be blamed on a lack of experience, on timidity, or even on past trauma, then be patient, if you can, and try to give your romance a shot. It can be easy to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak, so be sure that your wilting sex life is not more important than the time you spend together, the shared interests that you have, or the shared history that you have woven with each other. If you are truly committed to making it work, then try to get over the sex and get on with just being happy with them as a person, and with your relationship as something worth working on. If, on the other hand, none of that applies and you are simply fed up with them, then by all means tel them it is over and start to move on with your life with someone else who really does it for you.

There are so many, many weird and wonderful ways to reboot your sex life if things have got a little stale. Sex toys are a great way to bring a third person into your romance without all the awkwardness of having an actual person there. Try a dildo on him, or her, and think about things like BDSM and bondage gear if you are a little more playful. Threesomes can work if you are into it and your partner feels comfortable -- sometimes seeing a long term partner with someone else can really get you worked up and can even remind you of what you liked about them so much in the first place, if you can handle potential feelings of jealousy and isolation. Role play is a good idea, too, as you can start to act out fantasies together that you may have long held. Open up your relationship or get swinging if you liked the previous idea of a threesome -- the good thing about swinging is that you both get to have a bit of action! Get romantic with your other half, and you will soon find that things start to perk up. Be more intimate and you will find that you are soon starting to get close again.

Sorry guys, gals, and all that is in-between, but you have come to the end of this mind blowing xxxconnect free sex advice guide, written just for you and nobody else. We hope you figured out your hang ups, and got to the bottom of what was making your partner such a loser in bed! Just kidding -- we bet it's not their fault (or your fault) at all; blame the pressures of modern society instead! If you are still trying to get your thinking gear around a different hookup problem, then why not get a load of some more of our other xxxconnect advice guides through our home page on xxxconnect! We know you will like what you see!

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